The Travelling Test

I am the first to admit that I am not the easiest person to travel with. I am a stickler for an itinerary, a Nazi about punctuality and don't even think about getting your hands on my map when we are sightseeing. If you don't adhere to my strict expectations of travelling etiquette there is a fair chance I will never travel with you again...ever.

From prior experience I have determined that travelling with a member of the opposite sex usually poses the most challenges and is riddled with the most dramas. Men on the whole are disorganised, think communication is a nicety rather than a necessity and despite all their claims are more often than not terrible with directions.

So when my fellow ALT and friend Cheyne suggested we check out Sendai for a weekend I understandably had my reservations. But in the spirit of 'Yes Man' I feel that my time in Japan is limited and I need to make the most of it...throwing myself at every opportunity I can. So I thought on the proposal for a good 10 seconds before agreeing to meet in the city that is somewhat of a midpoint between our two home towns in Japan.

Little did Cheyne know, but the weekend was a test of sorts. A test to see how my travelling tolerance has improved but more importantly, a test to see how Cheyne would perform as a travelling companion. Could he disprove some of my theories of travelling with men?! It was only 2 days right? Surely it couldn't go too wrong...

Cheyne's prospects did not start well when I stepped off the Shinkansen at 11.15pm Friday night and he was not there to greet me as planned. Under normal 21st Century circumstances this wouldn't be a problem...I would have just called him to find out where he was. I would have, but Cheyne, in a bid to keep his life simple and relatively technology free (ironic coming from one completely obsessed with computer games) does not own a mobile phone. Strike 1.

After a scan of the platform area, I deemed the Sendai Miyagi station far too large to search for Mr Mattos without a team of trained beagles or the like. I concluded that he must be running late and therefore the best course of action was to head for the hotel and wait for him there. After all, I had my trusty iPhone on me so he could call or email me...so long as he wasn't lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

At 2am Saturday morning, Cheyne arrived at the hotel looking like a man returned from war. In my sleepy haze I heard the words 'forgot to bring the hotel details' and 'couldn't find a pay phone' and 'no internet cafes'. No bother to me really...I hadn't lost any sleep over the matter...literally...I had been sleeping peacefully while Cheyne wandered the streets of Sendai for 3 hours.

Saturday morning things began a little better...namely we were in the same location. We started the day with a plan to find the Sendai Loople bus which would take us to all the main sites of Sendai....apart from the whiskey factory Cheyne wanted to see. On our way to find the said bus, we stumbled on the food markets we also had wanted to check out...serendipity? Things were looking even better. We marvelled at the curious and bizarre array of fruit, veg, fish and miscellaneous produce, walking away with some jumbo inari for breakfast. Cheyne's travelling companion stocks rose a little with food in my stomach.


With rice to sustain us, the bus was found and we happily made our way to our first destination... 'The Site of Sendai Castle'. Unlike the title suggests, there isn't actually a castle there...it was destroyed in WWII. But Cheyne and I were still sufficiently entertained by a Japanese wedding at Gokoku Shrine and a little man producing hand crafted wares in the gift store. I must admit, Cheyne gained brownie points here too for being as equally excited about the random assortment of souvenirs as I was.



Next was Osaki Hachimangu Shrine where we took in the spectacle of it's ornate rainbow awnings and intricate shingled roof. A shrine like most others it was serene and had the obligatory mountain of stairs to climb to its entry.




It was at this point we decided it was time for Cheyne to pop his cherry...his 'Loft' cherry that is. We had both spotted the glorious yellow signage next to Sendai Station on arrival and having heard my praise of the stationery store, Cheyne was willing to take a look. This is when his travelling compatibility rating went through the roof. Anyone who is willing to step over that yellow threshold with me deserves a medal...seriously. After a quick ramen to bolster us for the adventure we headed straight for the sticker section of Loft and followed it up with the stationery and toy sections. Again Mr Mattos rose to the occasion and proved that it's not just me that loves this store as I found myself dragging him away, a full shopping bag in hand.

Post Loft we hatched a new plan, to go in search of some umeshu. Cheyne and I both have a sweet tooth and the plum wine was beckoning after all those stairs and shopping. We dropped our purchases back at the hotel, showered, changed and headed in the direction of the action.

A few blocks later we found ourselves in the main covered shopping drag of Sendai, Ichibancho....looking at shoes. A slight detour from our main mission, Cheyne humored my need to look at (and buy) another pair of Converse All Stars. This earned him bonus points as a) men hate shopping and b) Cheyne has a size 33 foot...there was no way he was going to find anything in that store for himself, even if he wanted to. One of the sales assistants confirmed this by practically laughing at Cheyne when he asked for his size in one of the shoes...




We eventually made our way out of the shopping area and found ourselves surrounded by bars and restaurants. Which one to choose?! I bravely left the decision entirely up to Cheyne and after a few failed attempts, he came through with the goods. Just as my patience was wearing thin and I was about to take control of the situation, he found us a little gem of a bar called 'Amber Rondo'. A short time later we were happily sipping our scrumptious umeshu while waiting for our chorizo pizza to arrive (which was tiny, just like the bar).



Sunday we returned to the shopping area and decided to have some fun in one of the arcades. I knew this was dangerous territory. There was every chance Cheyne was going to undo all his good work over the weekend and sabotage any future travelling potential with me. Arcades are Cheynes thing. Computer games are Cheyne's thing. These are not my things. Though he lured me in with the promise of a purikura (photo booth) opportunity so I was powerless to say no. Purikura is my thing.

I endured a whole 5 minutes of watching Mr Mattos play Gundam before politely excusing myself to use the bathroom and get a drink. Gundam is definitely not my thing. Post Gundam, Cheyne was happily charged up on game adrenalin and willing to head to the purikura where I must admit, he was subjected to at least 15 minutes of torture. I say torture but I am pretty sure I saw delight in his eyes when he discovered you can add pretty bunny ears to your pictures...



As we parted ways later that day at Sendai station I did a mental tally of Cheyne's travelling compatibility points from the weekend. On the whole he performed pretty well...for a guy. I might just be able to travel with him again. Though I did hear he caught the wrong train going home...

Itadakimasu!

Friday marked the end of my first round of school lunches with the students. A week for each grade, a day for each form class. My experiences of these 20 minute pockets of time have been as varied as the lunch menu itself. Mostly palatable, sometimes surprising and on the odd occasion absolutely terrible...


June 1st - 1st Year - 2nd Form (1-2)
My second lunch with the kids brought home the true meaning of the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover'. I had the pleasure of sitting with 2 of my favourite 1st year students...Mr Kasai and Mr Kikuchi. Both are a little mischievous and are quite good at English. The other thing they have in common is that they are probably the 2 smallest kids in the school (yes that's including the girls).

About a second after the word itadakimasu* was uttered, it was abundantly clear that these 2 were not going to be speaking to me though...or anyone else for that matter! In place of conversation, I was treated to a spectacle unlike any other I have witnessed. I watched in awe as Mr Kasai (who was sitting opposite me) inhaled not one, but two bowls of ramen without even blinking. At least I know where this kid gets his energy from now.

June 9th - 2nd Year - 3rd Form (2-3)
I saw the look of absolute terror in Miss Mitsugi's eyes when I placed my lunch tray on the desk opposite her on this fateful day. Apparently her worse nightmares had come true...she had to eat with 'the ALT'. I did a quick check to see if I had grown a 2nd head since I last looked in the mirror, then put on my best smile as I sat down.

To be honest I did feel for the poor kid. I mean heck, she sits at the front of the class so I have probably picked on her a few times to read new words during English lessons. Compounded with the fact she has probably never seen a blonde, blue eyed person before in her life, I probably am very scary. Come to think of it, why aren't more of the kids petrified?!

Things didn't improve as Miss Mitsugi and the other 3 kids in my lunch group flat out refused to look at me, let alone the magazines and photos I brought to show them. So 20 minutes of stone cold silence ensued, despite a few fumbled attempts on my behalf to speak Japanese to them.

As the word gochisosamadeshita** escaped from my mouth I breathed a sigh of relief that my penance was over and I was free to leave. I figured that Miss Mitsugi and her team of mutes would be just as excited to see me walk out of that classroom. However as I stood up and went to pick up my lunch tray, Miss Mitzugi quickly launched across the desk to take it from me. She looked at me, smiled and as I quickly thanked her she happily went about clearing away my dirty dishes.

Perhaps she didn't mind me being there after all?

June 10th - 2nd Year - 4th Form (2-4)
After the previous day's nightmare with Miss Mitsugi, I figured I had experienced the worst that could happen during school lunch. Looking back that's probably true, but this lunch comes in a very close second...saved only by an awe inspiring feat by Mr Hiroki...

It was a bad start when I was seated with a group of boys...one of whom is possibly the worst English student in the school (and that includes my special needs kids). Mr Tanuma avoids all kind of contact with me during class time...so I knew there wasn't a chance he was going to give me a second of his precious free time.

That factor aside, the boys at school tend to be so focused on eating they have little time to talk at lunch anyway. Mr Hiroki was a prime example of this. Tofu was on the menu and it was pretty clear Mr Hiroki likes tofu. Actually, to say he likes it is a huge understatement. Before we had started eating, he had stacked up 4 blocks on his tray...gladly commandeering the rejects of his fellow classmates. I was intrigued by this and wondered if he could rival Mr Kasai's ramen effort from the previous week. Just to challenge him, I offered him my surplus tofu, gained in the teachers' room due to staff absences.

Mr Hiroki did not disappoint...watching him eat was like watching art in motion...very, very fast motion. He took meticulous care to inscribe each of the five blocks of tofu with a precise grid pattern, then poured the soy sauce over each one so that no drop was spilled. Skillful? Yes. But the real talent was Mr Hiroki downing those 5 blocks of tofu faster than Usain Bolt can run the 100m sprint...

June 11th - 2nd Year - 5th Form (2-5)
I find myself smiling even now as I think of this lunch. Regular followers of Paper Doll will already be familiar with Mr Oga...the little delight who invited me to the movies a few weeks ago? This kid has quickly become one of my favourites, despite lacking a natural talent in English. He always puts in 110% during class and is super cheeky which constantly keeps me entertained! He has taken to saying 'very beautiful' to me every time he sees me in the halls now and accompanies the words with a fake fainting motion...it makes me chuckle every time.

When Omori Sensei announced to 2-5 that I would be joining them for lunch in our morning lesson together, I could see Mr Oga's eyes light up with anticipation, all the way from his seat at the back of the room. Just to make sure he had heard correctly he confirmed with Omori Sensei in Japanese that it was in fact true. I already new it was going to be a good lunch!

So it was no surprise when I turned up at the door to the 2-5 classroom at 12.40pm that Mr Oga was waiting there to greet me. 'Miss Carla, Miss Carla' announced my arrival to everyone else as he took my tray and proudly put it down at a table amidst his lunch group. Just how how he conjured up a spare desk at his lunch group I am not quite sure...

Mr Oga was anxious to get conversation under way and was not at all discouraged by the language barrier...happily using the other students as translators! Miss Watari and Miss Fujihara, bless them, humoured Mr Oga and helped out by facilitating the Q&A segment of the lunch conversation. Once Mr Oga had attained the information he required (Did I have a boyfriend? Where do I live? What was I doing that weekend?) he ditched the translators.

Wanting a more personal approach, he whipped out his English textbook, hoping to find inspiration. Much to the delight of all of us, he stumbled on the set phrases laid out in the back of the text and quickly blurted out 'let's have a party tonight!'. Without batting an eyelid I retorted 'at your house?!'. He looked to the girls to translate and when they did, a sly smile came across his face...'sure!'.

I'm not sure who enjoyed that lunch more, Mr Oga or me.

June 11th - 3rd Year - 1st Form (3-1)
Last Monday was my inauguration into 3rd year lunches and boy did it start with a bang. I had high hopes going in as it is Isono Sensei's form class...the tennis coach who speaks excellent English and has taken a liking to me.

I was blessed(?) with the company of Mr Ijima ('curry rice' comic genius from Paper Doll's 'Engrish' entry) and Mr Sekine for the duration of my meal. These boys are in my advanced English class so I breathed a sigh of relief that at least there would be conversation during lunch. Little did I know that I would be begging for silence by the end of those 20 minutes...

I sat down and proceeded to have a very civilised conversation with Mr Sekine, discovering that he wants to become an English teacher in the future. I then moved onto asking Mr Sekine and the other kids about their trip to Kyoto, hoping to engage all of them. This seemingly innocuous conversation started out innocently enough, but with the addition of Mr Ijima's thoughts it quickly spiralled out of control!

Somehow we went from discussing 'how beautiful Kinkakuji Temple is', to 'how there are lesbian deer f#cking in a forest near Kyoto that smell bad' in the space of 5 short minutes!!!

Like a CSI at a murder scene I have tried many times to retrace the events of that day and piece together exactly what happened. The memory of the conversation demise is a complete blur...however the acute sense of fear I remember well. As Mr Ijima and Mr Sekine bacame more excited about the topic of conversation, they became more animated...and a lot louder. Eager to communicate their point to me, they took to repeating themselves over and over...only encouraged by my look of sheer terror.

I spent the last few minutes of lunch looking over my shoulder checking if Isono Sensei was aware of the conversation and trying to silence the boys from saying 'deer f#cking'...over and over and over.

Thankfully I have lunch in the teachers' room this week...


*itadakimasu: said before a meal meaning 'Bon appetit!'
**gochisosamadeshita: said at the end of a meal meaning 'thanks for the feast'

'Tea for Three'

'...and the Oscar for best 'Japanese woman impersonation' goes to....Carla Sensei!'.

Yes, that's right, last week I had the pleasure of starring in my own little skit at school. I like to call it 'Tea for Three' and I am currently in negotiations with Hollywood to make Origami Carla into a sitcom series.

The Cast (as themselves):
Carla Sensei (Assistant Language Teacher)
Kocho Sensei (Principal)
Yamazaki Sensei (Head Teacher)
Kataoka Sensei (Math Teacher)
Nakajima Sensei (Art Teacher)
Watahiki Sensei (3rd Year Head Teacher)
Kocho Sensei's Guests x 2

The Set:
Omiya Junior High School Teachers' Room and Kocho Sensei's office

Background:
Carla Sensei is a young Australian ALT new to Omiya Junior High School in Hitachiomiya. At the school to help teach English, Carla Sensei is desperate to be accepted by the Japanese teachers. In a bid to win them over (and get invited to an enkai) she has been trying her hardest to adapt to Japanese culture and make a connection with them.

Plot Synopsis:
Two guest arrive at the door to the teachers' room, requesting an audience with Kocho Sensei. Parched and weary from their travels, they rest in the comfort of Kocho Sensei's office. But alas, something is amiss and trouble is brewing. Omiya Junior High's tea lady, Seki San is absent for the afternoon, so who will rise to the challenge of providing tea for the guests?! The teachers' room is quiet and Carla Sensei sees an opportunity...

Script:

OMIYA JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS' ROOM

6 teachers are in the teachers' room, all working quietly at their desks. 2 guests arrive at the door to the teachers' room and introduce themselves.

YAMAZAKI SENSEI: Dozo...
(guestures towards Kocho Sensei's Office)

KOCHO SENSEI: (as the guests enter his office) Dozo...
(closes the door to his office)

Yamazaki Sensei returns to his desk.

Carla Sensei scans the teachers' room for signs of movement. Carla Sensei realises that none of the other teachers are racing to make tea for Kocho Sensei and his guests. She quickly rushes to the kitchenette from her desk. Carla Sensei pours three green teas, placing them thoughtfully on a tray. She walks nervously up to the door of Kocho Sensei's office and knocks tentatively...

CARLA SENSEI: Sumimasen (excuse me)

Carla Sensei opens the door, balancing the tray in one hand.

CARLA SENSEI: shitsurei shimasu (sorry for the rude interruption)

Kocho Sensei looks up, surprised. He turns to explain to his guests who Carla Sensei is.

KOCHO SENSEI: Carla san wa, A-L-T desu. Kanojo wa Osutoraria kara kimashita. (Carla is our ALT. She is from Australia).

Carla Sensei places the tea cups on the table and bows.

KOCHO SENSEI: Arigato gozaimasu (thank you)

Carla Sensei bows again and leaves the office. As she shuts the door behind her she looks up to find 4 sets of eyes looking at her. Yamazaki Sensei, Kataoka Sensei, Nakajima Sensei and Watahiki Sensei grin broadly and shake their heads in disbelief.

SENSEIS: Subarashi!!! (wow, fantastic!!!)

The Senseis break into spontanious applause as Carla Sensei blushes and returns to her desk, having successfully served 'Tea for Three'.

END SCENE.