The Japanese culture is one which elicits polite composure from it's people at all times, so that no one's 'feathers get ruffled' or no one 'rocks the boat'. People bow and apologise a thousand times a day for every little action or inaction they carry out, in order to ensure a peaceful and harmonious existence is upheld for all.
During my time in Japan I have been learning all about the complexities of the Japanese language. Since no one says what they are really thinking, I've been learning to interpret the subtext of the language too. Deciphering Japanese words, more often than not, also involves decoding the sentiments that aren't spoken...the ones that are Lost in Translation...
What all Japanese people say: 'Wow, your Japanese is amazing, you are fluent these days!'
What
I hear: 'Most of the time I can sort of piece together what you are
saying, but my cultural upbringing tells me I have to complement you on
your (false) ability.'
What my teacher said: 'I'm sorry, the lesson is very full today, we don't have time for your warm up activity.'
What I heard: 'I really don't like your warm up activity, so I'm ditching it from the lesson plan.'
What my Japanese teacher said: 'I love your pink coat, it's really cute! Where did you buy it?'
What
I heard: 'That's a really expensive looking coat, you must be rich.
Please confirm this for me by telling me where you purchased it.'
What my student said: 'I like Linkin Park.'
What I heard: 'I am rare. I am your new favourite student. Teach me all you know about non-Japanese music.'
What the entire Japanese population says: 'Gambatte!'
What I hear: 'Build a bridge/open up a can of toughenup/get over it/grow a pair/kill 'em!'
What my teacher said: 'That student is...very...interesting.'
What I heard: 'That kid is weird.'
What my JTE said: 'You look very busy, are you doing English study?'
What I heard: 'It looks like you're slacking off, but you're writing in English so I can't tell for sure. Please stop it.'
What Japanese women say: 'I'm on a diet.'
What I hear: 'I have perfect Japanese genes and can eat whatever I want, whenever I want and never have to exercise.'
What the tennis teacher said: 'Here is some omiyage for you.'
What I heard: 'I'm so sorry I went to hospital for two days because I was so sick I couldn't walk or eat, while you had to stay here and work. I hope this cookie goes some small way toward making amends for my sins.'
What a Japanese person said: 'I can't speak English at all.'
What I heard: 'I can speak and understand far more English than you'll ever know.'
What the boys at school say: 'You smell bad!'
What I hear: 'You smell good and I don't like it.'
What a Japanese person says: 'Really, you have a tattoo?!'
What I hear: 'Really, you have a tattoo, you joined the Yakuza and you're involved in an organised crime ring in Japan?!'
What I hear: 'I am a disgrace to the human race and should never be allowed to procreate.'
What my JTE says: 'Oh, you've finished making that work sheet already? Great!'
What I hear: 'You've finished making that worksheet already?! You were supposed to drag out the task for three days...now I have to think of something else for you to do, grrr.'
What any Japanese person says: 'Oh, you're 30, unmarried and don't have children?'
What I hear: 'Oh, you want to kill yourself because your life is so empty and unfulfilling?'
What Yuya says: 'You are very, very, very beautiful!'
What I hear: 'C'mon, pleeeeeeaaaaaaase give me a rubber super ball!'
Every now and then a girl has a special boy come into her life and sweep her off her feet. I am not that girl...and Yuji is not that boy. But, over the last two years, Yuji certainly became an important part of my life at Omiya Junior High School.
Sure, there were other boys to declare their undying devotion to me...there was Takeshi, the sensitive soul who is the 'in sickness and in health' kinda guy. Then there was the pervert, Shunsuke, always wanting to know 'what colour under hair?' I have (yes, a real charmer). I did have a soft spot for the dreamer, Kohei, waiting patiently on the sidelines for an opportunity to win me over...and lastly there was Hayate, who always came to my rescue in times of need, wanting to be my knight in shining armour.
All these boys had their own unique brand of seduction technique, but none of them compared to Yuji. None could beat the dogged (and humorous) persistence he threw into the task of wooing me over the last two years. And so I dedicate this post to Yuji: The Boy, The Baseball Player, The No.1 Comedian...
9th November 2010
Dear Diary,
Apparently I have 'small milky breasts'. How do I know this, you ask? Well today, one of my 2nd year students, Yuji Kikuchi, was kind enough to tell me. Yuji is on the baseball team and very cheeky. I found it hard to be mad at him when he grinned at me so innocently, he was using English, and let's face it...his observation is correct.
He seemed to derive great enjoyment from my shocked reaction, so I doubt this is the last I'll be hearing from Yuji...
The now very self conscious,
Carla
28th June 2011
Dear Diary,
Apart from repeatedly telling me I have 'small milky breasts' over the last several months, Yuji has been rather quiet...until today. Clearly he realised (finally) that he needed new material to get my attention. This was actually kind of sweet...
Yuji's new muse,
Carla
9th September 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji was completely upstaged by the sweet words of Hayate today...
Yuji: 'Ms.Carla, small milky breasts'
Me: 'Yes Yuji, so you keep telling me'
Hayate: 'Small breast, but beautiful face'
Bless Hayate, he made my day. But I dread to think how Yuji might retaliate to this blatant act of war.
Yours in fear,
Carla
14th September 2011
Dear Diary,
Well, Yuji staged his comeback against Hayate in class today. Clearly he has realised his 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' tactics are not working on me, so now he is trying his hand at the sweet approach. His statement today:
'I have been in love with Ms.Carla forever' The cheeky grin was an added bonus thrown in for free...
The object of unrequited love,
Carla
5th October 2011
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji decided to go public with his love for me, and dragged me into the declaration too. His neighbour was away so I got to fill in for dialogue creation...Yuji's grin as I walked toward his desk told me I was in for a treat. This was our dialogue...above the pink line is what we came up with together...under is what he added when I wasn't looking...
Then Yuji volunteered us to perform our dialogue in front of the class! The more the students (and O Sensei) laughed, the wider Yuji's grin became...and the redder my face became. Yuji was very pleased that he managed to squeeze the words 'I love you' out of me, especially in front of such an appreciative audience.
Yours in mortifying embarrassment,
Carla
21st November 2011
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji ramped up his efforts to win me over with his creative writing in class...
Yours with a slightly swollen ego,
Carla
30th November 2011
Dear Diary,
It came to my attention today that Yuji's hair has become quite tall of late. Since club activity came to an end for the 3rd year students four months ago, Yuji has abandoned his baseball team buzz cut in favour of this new gravity defying monstrosity. I questioned him about his new style today:
Me: Yuji, you have a new haircut?
Yuji: Yes, you like?
Me: Umm, it's interesting. It's very...tall...
Yuji (excitedly): Yes, yes! Chicken hair!
Me: Chicken hair?
Yuji: Yes, look chicken.
Me: You look like a chicken? Why do you want to look like a chicken?!
Yuji: Chicken hair cool!!!
Me: Okaaaay...
I will never understand the fashion trends of teenagers in Japan. Clearly Yuji is preparing himself to be one of the cool kids in high school. Quite why you need 'chicken hair' to achieve this, I'm not entirely sure.
Yours in Japanese fashion confusion,
Carla
14th December 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji got hold of a speaking electronic dictionary in class today...and he found the 'dating' vocab section. Intermittently throughout class I had a polite American woman say to me:
'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.'
'I'm crazy for you.'
'You're the one for me.'
'I love you.'
'Can we talk?'
'Will you marry me?'
How does this kid not have a girlfriend?! Oh that's right, because apparently I am his girlfriend...lucky me.
The still giggling,
Carla
16th December 2011
Dear Diary,
Today I had lunch with Yuji (and the polite American woman):
'Can we talk? I have something to tell you...'
'It was love at first sight.'
'I can't live without you.'
'Stop playing hard to get!'
The apparently 'playing hard to get',
Carla
11th January 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji's hair has reached staggering new heights (literally):
Me: Yuji, you still have chicken hair?
Yuji: No, no, no, no. No chicken hair!
Me: It looks like chicken hair. What is it now?
Yuji: (motioning a wave washing over his head)
Me: Wave hair?!
Yuji: Yes, yes, YES!!!
Me: Ok. Why wave hair?
Yuji: Because it's coooooooool!
Whatever you say Yuji, whatever you say...
Despairing over Yuji's wave hair,
Carla
18th January 2012
Dear Diary,
3rd year graduation looms near. In two months my time with Yuji will end. He has become aware of the fact:
Do you think this counts as my first official marriage proposal?! Mum will be so pleased, I'm sure.
The blushing bride to be (ha),
Carla
19th January 2012
Dear Diary,
This was the extent of my interaction with Yuji today:
This morning...
Me: Good morning Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Later...
Me: Hello Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Warm up activity in class...
Me: What kind of girls are you interested in?
Yuji: Only Ms.Carla. Just Ms.Carla.
During class...
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Yuji: Do you love me?
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes you can!!!
This afternoon...
Me: Bye Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
It now feels like we have this skit well rehearsed...
Yuji's personal heart-breaker,
Carla
2nd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Yuji caught me with a surprise declaration-of-love-attack today:
Yuji: Standing outside the 3-4 classroom while I eat lunch. Knocks on the door for my attention.
Me: Look up to see Yuji grinning at me.
Yuji: Yells through the door (so the entire 3-4 class can hear), I LOVE YOU!!!
Me: I know Yuji!
Yuji: Blows kisses and runs away.
The amazed,
Carla
3rd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji put in his order for Valentine's Day...
Yuji: Hi Ms.Carla!
Me: Hi Yuji!
Yuji (thinking and gesturing madly): You...me...Ms.Carla make chocolate...me...
Me: You want me to make you chocolates? For Valentine's Day?
Yuji (grinning): Yes!!! Ok?
Me: No, sorry Yuji.
Yuji: Yes. Ok?
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes. Ok!!!
Killer of Yuji's hopes and dreams,
Carla
8th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today's conversation with Yuji on the soccer field at lunch:
Me: Yuji, I hear you broke Tomoya's arm playing soccer?
Yuji: Yes.
Me (knowing it was an accident): Why?!
Yuji (grinning): Because I'm No.1 Best Soccer Player!!! Please give chocolate.
The future No.1. Best Soccer Player's wife,
Carla
9th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Yuji continues to be persistent about this Valentine's business...
Yuji: Give me chocolate.
Me: No Yuji...your girlfriend will give you chocolate for Valentines Day.
Yuji: No, no! Ms.Carla my girlfriend!
The Valentine's Grinch,
Carla
15th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Well, what do you know...Yuji got a Valentine's surprise yesterday...
Me: Did you get chocolates yesterday?
Yuji: No, no, no, no, no! BUT I got card!
Me: Really? Who from?
Yuji: Ms.Carla!
Me: Nooooo, I don't think so...
Yuji: Yes! I'm happy! I cry! (grinning)
Giver of false hope,
Carla
20th February 2012
Dear Diary,
The insatiable Yuji was at it again today:
Yuji: I love you!
Me: I know. But you are trouble.
Yuji: Trouble どう言ういみ？(What does 'trouble' mean?)
Me: (chuckling) めんどくさい (Mendokusai/troublesome)
Yuji: (grinning) I'm trouble! Do you love trouble?!
Attractor of trouble,
Carla
22nd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today I did 'Crazy Sentences' with the 3rd year students. This is the gem Yuji and his group came up with...Yuji wrote the first sentence and then his loving classmates (knowing about his infatuation with me), kindly carried on the story for him...
A truly inspired piece of English literature...the legend of Yuji's love for me will be remembered by these kids forever.
The one who apparently doesn't like Yuji,
Carla
29th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lesson with Yuji before he graduates. To mark the occasion, he wrote and said a speech for me:
After Yuji gave his speech he said he was sad...while grinning. I cried. Only eight more school days until he leaves my life...what will I do?!
Dreading the inevitable,
Carla
2nd March 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lunch with 3-5 before graduation and fate ensured I had a seat opposite Yuji and his best mates Shu and Kenji for the occasion. We were all then treated to Yuji monologing for the duration of lunch...
I might actually miss Yuji's 'perfect face' when he isn't around any more.
Second to Yuji's other girlfriend, Eddy Murphy,
Carla
12th March 2012
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji graduated from Omiya Junior High School. I cried. Yuji did not. In fact, since he shaved off his eye brows last week and his obsession with his 'wave hair' reaches epic proportions, he seems to have lost all interest in winning me over. He is all grown up and moving on. After today I won't have Yuji's daily professions of love to amuse me in the hallways at school, but something tells me this isn't the last time I'll be seeing Yuji...
...are toilets either a hole in the ground, or something resembling NASA ground control.
...are there seemingly countless ways to say 'I', depending on your gender, age, who you are talking to and the content of the conversation.
...are there specific counters for just about everything, from long
cylindrical items, to animals, to large electrical
appliances...
...are there three distinct hairstyles for junior high school
girls: the 'boy', the 'bob' and the
'two pony tails'. Fringe/bangs compulsory across the board.
...are comic books and cartoons embraced by all ages and genders.
...are hipsters born, not made.
Only in Japan...
...(and other Asian countries) does Valentines Day and 'White Day' exist.
...do people generally prefer you to smell like body odour as opposed to perfume, soap, deodorant or shampoo.
...does a red light mean 'speed up' not 'stop'.
...do you see a motor garage with the name 'Vaginers'.
...do you brush your teeth in front of your work colleagues.
...does the concept of 'hamburg' exist...a hamburger without the bun.
...does the rule 'men look better in uniform' not apply.
Only in Japan...
...is 'gambatte' administered as medication, motivation and mollification.
...is it compulsory for junior high school students to wear helmets when cycling...but not elementary or high school students.
...is there an obsession with people's blood type.
...is it necessary to pickle vegetables within an inch of their lives.
...is it actually okay to linger at the magazine stand of a convenience store or book store and read something cover to cover.
...is the average foreigner tall.
Only in Japan...
...can you accidentally leave your wallet in any public place and be 99% sure it will still be there when you return for it (this rule does not apply to bicycles or umbrellas, which are fair game).
...can I, as a 30 year old woman, wear leg warmers in public and be called 'cute' for doing so.
...can you ask any fan of rock music if they know the Foo Fighters and 9/10 times the answer will be 'no'.
...can you ride a 'Nana bike' and not get beaten up for it.
...can you experience the joy and wonder of erasable pens in all the colours of the rainbow.
Only in Japan...
...will you see pimped out mini vans.
...will the police chastise you for listening to an iPod
while walking or cycling, but unrestrained children in cars are allowed
without reprimand.
...will I have a key ring that looks like this...
...will someone bring you a gift when they return to work after being in hospital.
...will you be informed of 6am, midday and 5pm in country towns by the ringing of chimes throughout the city.
...will Leonardo DiCaprio advertise tyres and Tommy Lee Jones advertise canned coffee.
...will I be considered wealthy because I wear sunglasses, drive a car and use an iPhone.
Only in Japan am I provided with enough material to write this sequel to my first 'Only in Japan...' post...
They say things happen in three's. Well, as I enter my third decade on this planet, my life is an ongoing balance of three things...family, love and career. I've lived in three countries...Australia, the UK and Japan. I lived in the UK for three years and I'm now entering my third and final year of living in Japan. 15 years ago I had a dream to live in Japan...these are the stories of how I'm folding into Japanese life...
