Saturday, May 26, 2012
Paperdoll Hasn't Folded!!!
Paperdoll followers can now check out the antics of Origami Carla over at my new site:
Thanks for all your support over the past 2 years and I hope you continue to enjoy the stories of Paperdoll in my 3rd and final year in Japan...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Riddle Me This...Teacher Me That...
What do you call the only teacher who isn't introduced at assembly?
Nothing, because no one knows their name.
What do you call the teacher who has more lessons a week than any of their colleagues?
Crowd control.*
What do you call the teacher who isn't given a set of textbooks to teach from?
A miracle worker.*
What do you call the teacher who doesn't receive schedules, timetables or isn't told when school events are taking place?
Clairvoyant.*
What do you call the teacher who gets the worst chair at school?
The bottom rung.*
What do you call the only teacher to get waves, smiles and air kisses from the students as they cycle past the teachers' room?
Students' pet.*
What do you call the teacher who only buys omiyage from half the trips they go on?
Smart.*
What do you call the only teacher who teaches all the students?
Intel.*What do you call the only teacher without a computer at school?
A virus risk.*
What do you call the teacher who spends every non-teaching minute in the copy room?
The Laminator.*
What do you call the teacher who isn't invited on school excursions?
A liability risk.*
What do you call the teacher who gives out presents as a reward in English class?
'Very, very, very, very beautiful.'*
What do you call the teacher who isn't invited to enkais with the other teachers?
A social leper.*
What do you call the teacher who receives 20 declarations of love a day from their students?
The only blond in a 2km radius.*
What do you call the teacher who actually smells good?
The pheromone emitter.*
What do you call the only teacher who doesn't own or wear a matching brand tracksuit set to school every day?
Well dressed.*
What do you call the teacher who averages around 1000 photocopies a week?
A lumberjack.*What do you call the only teacher not asked to participate in emergency evacuation drills?
Dispensable.*
*Answer may be replaced with 'Ms.Carla'
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Gained in Translation
My presence in Japan can sometimes be likened to that of 'a bull in a china shop'. I of course always do my best to respect and uphold the cultural and moral ethics of the society I live in, but I will never fully assimilate into life here. I will not and can never be Japanese. The fundamental reason for this (apart from the obvious) is that I lack the ability to euphemise my words and carry out interpersonal relations with the polite distance Japanese people do.
Unlike the Japanese people I live amongst, I mean exactly what I say...and I voice my opinions often. So unfortunately, the Lost in Translation phenomenon works in reverse when applied to me. When Japanese people should be taking my words and actions at face value, they read into things so that meaning is Gained in Translation...
What I said: Nothing.
What the old Japanese man on the street heard: 'I am a devil, with blonde hair and blue eyes. I have come to invade your country and terminate the Japanese race.
What I said: 'I don't have a boyfriend, I don't want to get married and I don't want children.'
What my female students heard: 'I hate my life, I am so lonely without a husband and I desperately want children.'
What I said: 'I'm going travelling with a friend during spring vacation.'
What my teacher heard: 'I am filthy rich and I like to waste money on frivolous things like travel.'
What I said: 'I'm from Australia.'
What my students heard: 'I'm from America/Canada/England/Germany/France.'
What I say every day when I leave school: 'Osakinishitsureishimasu' (Sorry I am leaving before you).
What the teachers hear every day when I leave school: 'See you later suckers, I'm the foreigner so I'm outta here while you have to work another three hours!!!'
What I said: 'My company gave me a lease car to use.'
What my students heard: 'I bought a brand new car because I am so rich I have money practically falling out of my pockets.'
What I said: 'I don't drink milk or eat dairy products and I don't really eat red meat either.'
What my karate sensei heard: 'All westerners are vegetarian and none of us eat dairy products either.'
What I said: 'I don't really like Japanese pop music.'
What my students heard: 'I kill small, cute and defenseless kittens in my free time.'
What I said: 'I really like my school, my students and the teachers I work with. I want to continue working where I am, please don't let the Board of Education move me.'
What my boss heard: 'Pay me more money and I'll go wherever you want and do what ever you want.'
What I say: 'I'm cold.'
What the entire Japanese population hear: 'I'm not Japanese.'
What I said: 'I like tennis, but I can't really play that well.'
What the tennis girls think I said: 'Don't tell anyone, but I am actually a pro player training for the US Open this year.'
What I say: 'I do origami/taiko/karate.'
What the Japanese population hears: 'I love everything about Japanese culture and I want to live here the rest of my life!'
What I said: 'I'm studying for the N3 Japanese exam in June.'
What my principle heard: 'My Japanese is actually better than yours these days.'
What I said: 'JJ is just my friend. He's like a little brother.'
What all the kids at school hear: 'JJ is my boyfriend, we are madly in love and plan to get married tomorrow.'
What I said: 'I know, Yuji.'
What Yuji heard: 'I love you too, Yuji.'
Unlike the Japanese people I live amongst, I mean exactly what I say...and I voice my opinions often. So unfortunately, the Lost in Translation phenomenon works in reverse when applied to me. When Japanese people should be taking my words and actions at face value, they read into things so that meaning is Gained in Translation...
What I said: Nothing.
What the old Japanese man on the street heard: 'I am a devil, with blonde hair and blue eyes. I have come to invade your country and terminate the Japanese race.
What I said: 'I don't have a boyfriend, I don't want to get married and I don't want children.'
What my female students heard: 'I hate my life, I am so lonely without a husband and I desperately want children.'
What my teacher heard: 'I am filthy rich and I like to waste money on frivolous things like travel.'
What I said: 'I'm from Australia.'
What my students heard: 'I'm from America/Canada/England/Germany/France.'
What I say every day when I leave school: 'Osakinishitsureishimasu' (Sorry I am leaving before you).
What the teachers hear every day when I leave school: 'See you later suckers, I'm the foreigner so I'm outta here while you have to work another three hours!!!'
What I said: 'My company gave me a lease car to use.'
What my students heard: 'I bought a brand new car because I am so rich I have money practically falling out of my pockets.'
What I said: 'I don't drink milk or eat dairy products and I don't really eat red meat either.'
What my karate sensei heard: 'All westerners are vegetarian and none of us eat dairy products either.'
What I said: 'I don't really like Japanese pop music.'
What my students heard: 'I kill small, cute and defenseless kittens in my free time.'
What I said: 'I really like my school, my students and the teachers I work with. I want to continue working where I am, please don't let the Board of Education move me.'
What my boss heard: 'Pay me more money and I'll go wherever you want and do what ever you want.'
What I say: 'I'm cold.'
What the entire Japanese population hear: 'I'm not Japanese.'
What I said: 'I like tennis, but I can't really play that well.'
What the tennis girls think I said: 'Don't tell anyone, but I am actually a pro player training for the US Open this year.'
What I say: 'I do origami/taiko/karate.'
What the Japanese population hears: 'I love everything about Japanese culture and I want to live here the rest of my life!'
What my principle heard: 'My Japanese is actually better than yours these days.'
What I said: 'JJ is just my friend. He's like a little brother.'
What all the kids at school hear: 'JJ is my boyfriend, we are madly in love and plan to get married tomorrow.'
What I said: 'I know, Yuji.'
What Yuji heard: 'I love you too, Yuji.'
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Lost in Translation
The Japanese culture is one which elicits polite composure from it's people at all times, so that no one's 'feathers get ruffled' or no one 'rocks the boat'. People bow and apologise a thousand times a day for every little action or inaction they carry out, in order to ensure a peaceful and harmonious existence is upheld for all.
During my time in Japan I have been learning all about the complexities of the Japanese language. Since no one says what they are really thinking, I've been learning to interpret the subtext of the language too. Deciphering Japanese words, more often than not, also involves decoding the sentiments that aren't spoken...the ones that are Lost in Translation...
What all Japanese people say: 'Wow, your Japanese is amazing, you are fluent these days!'
What I hear: 'Most of the time I can sort of piece together what you are saying, but my cultural upbringing tells me I have to complement you on your (false) ability.'
What my teacher said: 'I'm sorry, the lesson is very full today, we don't have time for your warm up activity.'
What I heard: 'I really don't like your warm up activity, so I'm ditching it from the lesson plan.'
What my Japanese teacher said: 'I love your pink coat, it's really cute! Where did you buy it?'
What I heard: 'That's a really expensive looking coat, you must be rich. Please confirm this for me by telling me where you purchased it.'
What my student said: 'I like Linkin Park.'
What I heard: 'I am rare. I am your new favourite student. Teach me all you know about non-Japanese music.'
What the entire Japanese population says: 'Gambatte!'
What I hear: 'Build a bridge/open up a can of toughenup/get over it/grow a pair/kill 'em!'
What my teacher said: 'That student is...very...interesting.'
What I heard: 'That kid is weird.'
What my JTE said: 'You look very busy, are you doing English study?'
What I heard: 'It looks like you're slacking off, but you're writing in English so I can't tell for sure. Please stop it.'
What Japanese women say: 'I'm on a diet.'
What I hear: 'I have perfect Japanese genes and can eat whatever I want, whenever I want and never have to exercise.'
What the tennis teacher said: 'Here is some omiyage for you.'
What I heard: 'I'm so sorry I went to hospital for two days because I was so sick I couldn't walk or eat, while you had to stay here and work. I hope this cookie goes some small way toward making amends for my sins.'
What a Japanese person said: 'I can't speak English at all.'
What I heard: 'I can speak and understand far more English than you'll ever know.'
What the boys at school say: 'You smell bad!'
What I hear: 'You smell good and I don't like it.'
What a Japanese person says: 'Really, you have a tattoo?!'
What I hear: 'Really, you have a tattoo, you joined the Yakuza and you're involved in an organised crime ring in Japan?!'
What a Japanese person says: 'sumimasen.'
What I hear: 'Get out of my way/my bad/heads up/coming through.'
What a Japanese person says: 'I love AKB48!!!'
What I hear: 'I am a disgrace to the human race and should never be allowed to procreate.'
What my JTE says: 'Oh, you've finished making that work sheet already? Great!'
What I hear: 'You've finished making that worksheet already?! You were supposed to drag out the task for three days...now I have to think of something else for you to do, grrr.'
What any Japanese person says: 'Oh, you're 30, unmarried and don't have children?'
What I hear: 'Oh, you want to kill yourself because your life is so empty and unfulfilling?'
What Yuya says: 'You are very, very, very beautiful!'
What I hear: 'C'mon, pleeeeeeaaaaaaase give me a rubber super ball!'
What Kevin said: 'I drink Calpis.'
What I heard: 'I drink cow p#ss.'
During my time in Japan I have been learning all about the complexities of the Japanese language. Since no one says what they are really thinking, I've been learning to interpret the subtext of the language too. Deciphering Japanese words, more often than not, also involves decoding the sentiments that aren't spoken...the ones that are Lost in Translation...
What all Japanese people say: 'Wow, your Japanese is amazing, you are fluent these days!'
What I hear: 'Most of the time I can sort of piece together what you are saying, but my cultural upbringing tells me I have to complement you on your (false) ability.'
What my teacher said: 'I'm sorry, the lesson is very full today, we don't have time for your warm up activity.'
What I heard: 'I really don't like your warm up activity, so I'm ditching it from the lesson plan.'
What my Japanese teacher said: 'I love your pink coat, it's really cute! Where did you buy it?'
What I heard: 'That's a really expensive looking coat, you must be rich. Please confirm this for me by telling me where you purchased it.'
What my student said: 'I like Linkin Park.'
What I heard: 'I am rare. I am your new favourite student. Teach me all you know about non-Japanese music.'
What the entire Japanese population says: 'Gambatte!'
What I hear: 'Build a bridge/open up a can of toughenup/get over it/grow a pair/kill 'em!'
What my teacher said: 'That student is...very...interesting.'
What I heard: 'That kid is weird.'
What my JTE said: 'You look very busy, are you doing English study?'
What I heard: 'It looks like you're slacking off, but you're writing in English so I can't tell for sure. Please stop it.'
What Japanese women say: 'I'm on a diet.'
What I hear: 'I have perfect Japanese genes and can eat whatever I want, whenever I want and never have to exercise.'
What the tennis teacher said: 'Here is some omiyage for you.'
What I heard: 'I'm so sorry I went to hospital for two days because I was so sick I couldn't walk or eat, while you had to stay here and work. I hope this cookie goes some small way toward making amends for my sins.'
What I heard: 'I can speak and understand far more English than you'll ever know.'
What the boys at school say: 'You smell bad!'
What a Japanese person says: 'Really, you have a tattoo?!'
What I hear: 'Really, you have a tattoo, you joined the Yakuza and you're involved in an organised crime ring in Japan?!'
What a Japanese person says: 'sumimasen.'
What I hear: 'Get out of my way/my bad/heads up/coming through.'
What a Japanese person says: 'I love AKB48!!!'
What I hear: 'I am a disgrace to the human race and should never be allowed to procreate.'
What my JTE says: 'Oh, you've finished making that work sheet already? Great!'
What I hear: 'You've finished making that worksheet already?! You were supposed to drag out the task for three days...now I have to think of something else for you to do, grrr.'
What any Japanese person says: 'Oh, you're 30, unmarried and don't have children?'
What I hear: 'Oh, you want to kill yourself because your life is so empty and unfulfilling?'
What Yuya says: 'You are very, very, very beautiful!'
What I hear: 'C'mon, pleeeeeeaaaaaaase give me a rubber super ball!'
What Kevin said: 'I drink Calpis.'
What I heard: 'I drink cow p#ss.'
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Yuji Diaries
Every now and then a girl has a special boy come into her life and sweep her off her feet. I am not that girl...and Yuji is not that boy. But, over the last two years, Yuji certainly became an important part of my life at Omiya Junior High School.
Sure, there were other boys to declare their undying devotion to me...there was Takeshi, the sensitive soul who is the 'in sickness and in health' kinda guy. Then there was the pervert, Shunsuke, always wanting to know 'what colour under hair?' I have (yes, a real charmer). I did have a soft spot for the dreamer, Kohei, waiting patiently on the sidelines for an opportunity to win me over...and lastly there was Hayate, who always came to my rescue in times of need, wanting to be my knight in shining armour.
All these boys had their own unique brand of seduction technique, but none of them compared to Yuji. None could beat the dogged (and humorous) persistence he threw into the task of wooing me over the last two years. And so I dedicate this post to Yuji: The Boy, The Baseball Player, The No.1 Comedian...
Dear Diary,
Yuji's hair has reached staggering new heights (literally):
Me: Yuji, you still have chicken hair?
Yuji: No, no, no, no. No chicken hair!
Me: It looks like chicken hair. What is it now?
Yuji: (motioning a wave washing over his head)
Me: Wave hair?!
Yuji: Yes, yes, YES!!!
Me: Ok. Why wave hair?
Yuji: Because it's coooooooool!
Whatever you say Yuji, whatever you say...
Despairing over Yuji's wave hair,
Carla
Dear Diary,
3rd year graduation looms near. In two months my time with Yuji will end. He has become aware of the fact:
Do you think this counts as my first official marriage proposal?! Mum will be so pleased, I'm sure.
The blushing bride to be (ha),
Carla
Dear Diary,
Dear Diary,
Yuji caught me with a surprise declaration-of-love-attack today:
Yuji: Standing outside the 3-4 classroom while I eat lunch. Knocks on the door for my attention.
Me: Look up to see Yuji grinning at me.
Yuji: Yells through the door (so the entire 3-4 class can hear), I LOVE YOU!!!
Me: I know Yuji!
Yuji: Blows kisses and runs away.
The amazed,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji put in his order for Valentine's Day...
Killer of Yuji's hopes and dreams,
Carla
The future No.1. Best Soccer Player's wife,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Yuji continues to be persistent about this Valentine's business...
Yuji: Give me chocolate.
Me: No Yuji...your girlfriend will give you chocolate for Valentines Day.
Yuji: No, no! Ms.Carla my girlfriend!
The Valentine's Grinch,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Well, what do you know...Yuji got a Valentine's surprise yesterday...
Me: Did you get chocolates yesterday?
Yuji: No, no, no, no, no! BUT I got card!
Me: Really? Who from?
Yuji: Ms.Carla!
Me: Nooooo, I don't think so...
Yuji: Yes! I'm happy! I cry! (grinning)
Giver of false hope,
Carla
Dear Diary,
The insatiable Yuji was at it again today:
Yuji: I love you!
Me: I know. But you are trouble.
Yuji: Trouble どう言ういみ？(What does 'trouble' mean?)
Me: (chuckling) めんどくさい (Mendokusai/troublesome)
Yuji: (grinning) I'm trouble! Do you love trouble?!
Attractor of trouble,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today I did 'Crazy Sentences' with the 3rd year students. This is the gem Yuji and his group came up with...Yuji wrote the first sentence and then his loving classmates (knowing about his infatuation with me), kindly carried on the story for him...
A truly inspired piece of English literature...the legend of Yuji's love for me will be remembered by these kids forever.
The one who apparently doesn't like Yuji,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lesson with Yuji before he graduates. To mark the occasion, he wrote and said a speech for me:
After Yuji gave his speech he said he was sad...while grinning. I cried. Only eight more school days until he leaves my life...what will I do?!
Dreading the inevitable,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lunch with 3-5 before graduation and fate ensured I had a seat opposite Yuji and his best mates Shu and Kenji for the occasion. We were all then treated to Yuji monologing for the duration of lunch...
I might actually miss Yuji's 'perfect face' when he isn't around any more.
Second to Yuji's other girlfriend, Eddy Murphy,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji graduated from Omiya Junior High School. I cried. Yuji did not. In fact, since he shaved off his eye brows last week and his obsession with his 'wave hair' reaches epic proportions, he seems to have lost all interest in winning me over. He is all grown up and moving on. After today I won't have Yuji's daily professions of love to amuse me in the hallways at school, but something tells me this isn't the last time I'll be seeing Yuji...
The now very sad and Yuji-less,
Carla
Sure, there were other boys to declare their undying devotion to me...there was Takeshi, the sensitive soul who is the 'in sickness and in health' kinda guy. Then there was the pervert, Shunsuke, always wanting to know 'what colour under hair?' I have (yes, a real charmer). I did have a soft spot for the dreamer, Kohei, waiting patiently on the sidelines for an opportunity to win me over...and lastly there was Hayate, who always came to my rescue in times of need, wanting to be my knight in shining armour.
All these boys had their own unique brand of seduction technique, but none of them compared to Yuji. None could beat the dogged (and humorous) persistence he threw into the task of wooing me over the last two years. And so I dedicate this post to Yuji: The Boy, The Baseball Player, The No.1 Comedian...
9th November 2010
Dear Diary,
Apparently I have 'small milky breasts'. How do I know this, you ask? Well today, one of my 2nd year students, Yuji Kikuchi, was kind enough to tell me. Yuji is on the baseball team and very cheeky. I found it hard to be mad at him when he grinned at me so innocently, he was using English, and let's face it...his observation is correct.
He seemed to derive great enjoyment from my shocked reaction, so I doubt this is the last I'll be hearing from Yuji...
The now very self conscious,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Apart from repeatedly telling me I have 'small milky breasts' over the last several months, Yuji has been rather quiet...until today. Clearly he realised (finally) that he needed new material to get my attention. This was actually kind of sweet...
Yuji's new muse,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Well, Yuji staged his comeback against Hayate in class today. Clearly he has realised his 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' tactics are not working on me, so now he is trying his hand at the sweet approach. His statement today:
'I have been in love with Ms.Carla forever' The cheeky grin was an added bonus thrown in for free...
The object of unrequited love,
Carla
Yours in mortifying embarrassment,
Carla
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji ramped up his efforts to win me over with his creative writing in class...
Yours with a slightly swollen ego,
Carla
Dear Diary,
It came to my attention today that Yuji's hair has become quite tall of late. Since club activity came to an end for the 3rd year students four months ago, Yuji has abandoned his baseball team buzz cut in favour of this new gravity defying monstrosity. I questioned him about his new style today:
I will never understand the fashion trends of teenagers in Japan. Clearly Yuji is preparing himself to be one of the cool kids in high school. Quite why you need 'chicken hair' to achieve this, I'm not entirely sure.
Yours in Japanese fashion confusion,
Carla
Dear Diary,
He seemed to derive great enjoyment from my shocked reaction, so I doubt this is the last I'll be hearing from Yuji...
The now very self conscious,
Carla
28th June 2011
Dear Diary,
Apart from repeatedly telling me I have 'small milky breasts' over the last several months, Yuji has been rather quiet...until today. Clearly he realised (finally) that he needed new material to get my attention. This was actually kind of sweet...
Yuji's new muse,
Carla
9th September 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji was completely upstaged by the sweet words of Hayate today...
Yuji: 'Ms.Carla, small milky breasts'
Me: 'Yes Yuji, so you keep telling me'
Hayate: 'Small breast, but beautiful face'
Bless Hayate, he made my day. But I dread to think how Yuji might retaliate to this blatant act of war.
Yours in fear,
Carla
Yuji was completely upstaged by the sweet words of Hayate today...
Yuji: 'Ms.Carla, small milky breasts'
Me: 'Yes Yuji, so you keep telling me'
Hayate: 'Small breast, but beautiful face'
Bless Hayate, he made my day. But I dread to think how Yuji might retaliate to this blatant act of war.
Yours in fear,
Carla
14th September 2011
Dear Diary,
Well, Yuji staged his comeback against Hayate in class today. Clearly he has realised his 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' tactics are not working on me, so now he is trying his hand at the sweet approach. His statement today:
'I have been in love with Ms.Carla forever' The cheeky grin was an added bonus thrown in for free...
The object of unrequited love,
Carla
5th October 2011
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji decided to go public with his love for me, and dragged me into the declaration too. His neighbour was away so I got to fill in for dialogue creation...Yuji's grin as I walked toward his desk told me I was in for a treat. This was our dialogue...above the pink line is what we came up with together...under is what he added when I wasn't looking...
Then Yuji volunteered us to perform our dialogue in front of the class! The more the students (and O Sensei) laughed, the wider Yuji's grin became...and the redder my face became. Yuji was very pleased that he managed to squeeze the words 'I love you' out of me, especially in front of such an appreciative audience.
Today Yuji decided to go public with his love for me, and dragged me into the declaration too. His neighbour was away so I got to fill in for dialogue creation...Yuji's grin as I walked toward his desk told me I was in for a treat. This was our dialogue...above the pink line is what we came up with together...under is what he added when I wasn't looking...
Then Yuji volunteered us to perform our dialogue in front of the class! The more the students (and O Sensei) laughed, the wider Yuji's grin became...and the redder my face became. Yuji was very pleased that he managed to squeeze the words 'I love you' out of me, especially in front of such an appreciative audience.
Yours in mortifying embarrassment,
Carla
21st November 2011
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji ramped up his efforts to win me over with his creative writing in class...
Yours with a slightly swollen ego,
Carla
30th November 2011
Dear Diary,
It came to my attention today that Yuji's hair has become quite tall of late. Since club activity came to an end for the 3rd year students four months ago, Yuji has abandoned his baseball team buzz cut in favour of this new gravity defying monstrosity. I questioned him about his new style today:
Me: Yuji, you have a new haircut?
Yuji: Yes, you like?
Me: Umm, it's interesting. It's very...tall...
Yuji (excitedly): Yes, yes! Chicken hair!
Me: Chicken hair?
Yuji: Yes, look chicken.
Me: You look like a chicken? Why do you want to look like a chicken?!
Yuji: Chicken hair cool!!!
Me: Okaaaay...
I will never understand the fashion trends of teenagers in Japan. Clearly Yuji is preparing himself to be one of the cool kids in high school. Quite why you need 'chicken hair' to achieve this, I'm not entirely sure.
Yours in Japanese fashion confusion,
Carla
14th December 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji got hold of a speaking electronic dictionary in class today...and he found the 'dating' vocab section. Intermittently throughout class I had a polite American woman say to me:
'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.'
'I'm crazy for you.'
'You're the one for me.'
'I love you.'
'Can we talk?'
'Will you marry me?'
How does this kid not have a girlfriend?! Oh that's right, because apparently I am his girlfriend...lucky me.
The still giggling,
Carla
'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.'
'I'm crazy for you.'
'You're the one for me.'
'I love you.'
'Can we talk?'
'Will you marry me?'
How does this kid not have a girlfriend?! Oh that's right, because apparently I am his girlfriend...lucky me.
The still giggling,
Carla
16th December 2011
Dear Diary,
Today I had lunch with Yuji (and the polite American woman):
'Can we talk? I have something to tell you...'
'It was love at first sight.'
'I can't live without you.'
'Stop playing hard to get!'
The apparently 'playing hard to get',
Carla
Today I had lunch with Yuji (and the polite American woman):
'Can we talk? I have something to tell you...'
'It was love at first sight.'
'I can't live without you.'
'Stop playing hard to get!'
The apparently 'playing hard to get',
Carla
11th January 2011
Dear Diary,
Yuji's hair has reached staggering new heights (literally):
Yuji: No, no, no, no. No chicken hair!
Me: It looks like chicken hair. What is it now?
Yuji: (motioning a wave washing over his head)
Me: Wave hair?!
Yuji: Yes, yes, YES!!!
Me: Ok. Why wave hair?
Yuji: Because it's coooooooool!
Whatever you say Yuji, whatever you say...
Despairing over Yuji's wave hair,
Carla
18th January 2012
Dear Diary,
3rd year graduation looms near. In two months my time with Yuji will end. He has become aware of the fact:
Do you think this counts as my first official marriage proposal?! Mum will be so pleased, I'm sure.
The blushing bride to be (ha),
Carla
19th January 2012
Dear Diary,
This was the extent of my interaction with Yuji today:
This morning...
Me: Good morning Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Later...
Me: Hello Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Warm up activity in class...
Me: What kind of girls are you interested in?
Yuji: Only Ms.Carla. Just Ms.Carla.
During class...
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Yuji: Do you love me?
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes you can!!!
This afternoon...
Me: Bye Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
It now feels like we have this skit well rehearsed...
Yuji's personal heart-breaker,
Carla
Warm up activity in class...
Me: What kind of girls are you interested in?
Yuji: Only Ms.Carla. Just Ms.Carla.
During class...
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
Yuji: Do you love me?
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes!
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes you can!!!
This afternoon...
Me: Bye Yuji.
Yuji: I love you.
Me: I know.
It now feels like we have this skit well rehearsed...
Yuji's personal heart-breaker,
Carla
2nd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Yuji caught me with a surprise declaration-of-love-attack today:
Yuji: Standing outside the 3-4 classroom while I eat lunch. Knocks on the door for my attention.
Me: Look up to see Yuji grinning at me.
Yuji: Yells through the door (so the entire 3-4 class can hear), I LOVE YOU!!!
Me: I know Yuji!
Yuji: Blows kisses and runs away.
The amazed,
Carla
3rd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji put in his order for Valentine's Day...
Yuji: Hi Ms.Carla!
Me: Hi Yuji!
Yuji (thinking and gesturing madly): You...me...Ms.Carla make chocolate...me...
Me: You want me to make you chocolates? For Valentine's Day?
Yuji (grinning): Yes!!! Ok?
Me: No, sorry Yuji.
Yuji: Yes. Ok?
Me: No.
Yuji: Yes. Ok!!!Killer of Yuji's hopes and dreams,
Carla
8th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today's conversation with Yuji on the soccer field at lunch:
Today's conversation with Yuji on the soccer field at lunch:
Me: Yuji, I hear you broke Tomoya's arm playing soccer?
Yuji: Yes.
Me (knowing it was an accident): Why?!
Yuji (grinning): Because I'm No.1 Best Soccer Player!!! Please give chocolate.
The future No.1. Best Soccer Player's wife,
Carla
9th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Yuji continues to be persistent about this Valentine's business...
Yuji: Give me chocolate.
Me: No Yuji...your girlfriend will give you chocolate for Valentines Day.
Yuji: No, no! Ms.Carla my girlfriend!
The Valentine's Grinch,
Carla
15th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Well, what do you know...Yuji got a Valentine's surprise yesterday...
Me: Did you get chocolates yesterday?
Yuji: No, no, no, no, no! BUT I got card!
Me: Really? Who from?
Yuji: Ms.Carla!
Me: Nooooo, I don't think so...
Yuji: Yes! I'm happy! I cry! (grinning)
Giver of false hope,
Carla
20th February 2012
Dear Diary,
The insatiable Yuji was at it again today:
Yuji: I love you!
Me: I know. But you are trouble.
Yuji: Trouble どう言ういみ？(What does 'trouble' mean?)
Me: (chuckling) めんどくさい (Mendokusai/troublesome)
Yuji: (grinning) I'm trouble! Do you love trouble?!
Attractor of trouble,
Carla
22nd February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today I did 'Crazy Sentences' with the 3rd year students. This is the gem Yuji and his group came up with...Yuji wrote the first sentence and then his loving classmates (knowing about his infatuation with me), kindly carried on the story for him...
A truly inspired piece of English literature...the legend of Yuji's love for me will be remembered by these kids forever.
The one who apparently doesn't like Yuji,
Carla
29th February 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lesson with Yuji before he graduates. To mark the occasion, he wrote and said a speech for me:
After Yuji gave his speech he said he was sad...while grinning. I cried. Only eight more school days until he leaves my life...what will I do?!
Dreading the inevitable,
Carla
2nd March 2012
Dear Diary,
Today was my last lunch with 3-5 before graduation and fate ensured I had a seat opposite Yuji and his best mates Shu and Kenji for the occasion. We were all then treated to Yuji monologing for the duration of lunch...
I might actually miss Yuji's 'perfect face' when he isn't around any more.
Second to Yuji's other girlfriend, Eddy Murphy,
Carla
12th March 2012
Dear Diary,
Today Yuji graduated from Omiya Junior High School. I cried. Yuji did not. In fact, since he shaved off his eye brows last week and his obsession with his 'wave hair' reaches epic proportions, he seems to have lost all interest in winning me over. He is all grown up and moving on. After today I won't have Yuji's daily professions of love to amuse me in the hallways at school, but something tells me this isn't the last time I'll be seeing Yuji...
The now very sad and Yuji-less,
Carla
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Again, Only in Japan...
...are toilets either a hole in the ground, or something resembling NASA ground control.
...are there seemingly countless ways to say 'I', depending on your gender, age, who you are talking to and the content of the conversation.
...are there specific counters for just about everything, from long cylindrical items, to animals, to large electrical appliances...
...are there three distinct hairstyles for junior high school girls: the 'boy', the 'bob' and the 'two pony tails'. Fringe/bangs compulsory across the board.
...are comic books and cartoons embraced by all ages and genders.
...are hipsters born, not made.
Only in Japan...
...(and other Asian countries) does Valentines Day and 'White Day' exist.
...do people generally prefer you to smell like body odour as opposed to perfume, soap, deodorant or shampoo.
...does a red light mean 'speed up' not 'stop'.
...do you see a motor garage with the name 'Vaginers'.
...do you brush your teeth in front of your work colleagues.
...does the concept of 'hamburg' exist...a hamburger without the bun.
...does the rule 'men look better in uniform' not apply.
...is 'gambatte' administered as medication, motivation and mollification.
...is it compulsory for junior high school students to wear helmets when cycling...but not elementary or high school students.
...is there an obsession with people's blood type.
...is it necessary to pickle vegetables within an inch of their lives.
...is it actually okay to linger at the magazine stand of a convenience store or book store and read something cover to cover.
...is the average foreigner tall.
...can you accidentally leave your wallet in any public place and be 99% sure it will still be there when you return for it (this rule does not apply to bicycles or umbrellas, which are fair game).
...can I, as a 30 year old woman, wear leg warmers in public and be called 'cute' for doing so.
...can you ask any fan of rock music if they know the Foo Fighters and 9/10 times the answer will be 'no'.
...can you ride a 'Nana bike' and not get beaten up for it.
...can you experience the joy and wonder of erasable pens in all the colours of the rainbow.
...will you see pimped out mini vans.
...will the police chastise you for listening to an iPod while walking or cycling, but unrestrained children in cars are allowed without reprimand.
...will I have a key ring that looks like this...
...will someone bring you a gift when they return to work after being in hospital.
...will you be informed of 6am, midday and 5pm in country towns by the ringing of chimes throughout the city.
...will Leonardo DiCaprio advertise tyres and Tommy Lee Jones advertise canned coffee.
...will I be considered wealthy because I wear sunglasses, drive a car and use an iPhone.
Only in Japan am I provided with enough material to write this sequel to my first 'Only in Japan...' post...
...are there seemingly countless ways to say 'I', depending on your gender, age, who you are talking to and the content of the conversation.
...are there specific counters for just about everything, from long cylindrical items, to animals, to large electrical appliances...
...are there three distinct hairstyles for junior high school girls: the 'boy', the 'bob' and the 'two pony tails'. Fringe/bangs compulsory across the board.
...are comic books and cartoons embraced by all ages and genders.
...are hipsters born, not made.
Only in Japan...
...(and other Asian countries) does Valentines Day and 'White Day' exist.
...do people generally prefer you to smell like body odour as opposed to perfume, soap, deodorant or shampoo.
...does a red light mean 'speed up' not 'stop'.
...do you see a motor garage with the name 'Vaginers'.
...do you brush your teeth in front of your work colleagues.
...does the concept of 'hamburg' exist...a hamburger without the bun.
...does the rule 'men look better in uniform' not apply.
Only in Japan...
...is 'gambatte' administered as medication, motivation and mollification.
...is it compulsory for junior high school students to wear helmets when cycling...but not elementary or high school students.
...is there an obsession with people's blood type.
...is it necessary to pickle vegetables within an inch of their lives.
...is it actually okay to linger at the magazine stand of a convenience store or book store and read something cover to cover.
...is the average foreigner tall.
Only in Japan...
...can you accidentally leave your wallet in any public place and be 99% sure it will still be there when you return for it (this rule does not apply to bicycles or umbrellas, which are fair game).
...can I, as a 30 year old woman, wear leg warmers in public and be called 'cute' for doing so.
...can you ask any fan of rock music if they know the Foo Fighters and 9/10 times the answer will be 'no'.
...can you ride a 'Nana bike' and not get beaten up for it.
...can you experience the joy and wonder of erasable pens in all the colours of the rainbow.
Only in Japan...
...will you see pimped out mini vans.
...will the police chastise you for listening to an iPod while walking or cycling, but unrestrained children in cars are allowed without reprimand.
...will I have a key ring that looks like this...
...will someone bring you a gift when they return to work after being in hospital.
...will you be informed of 6am, midday and 5pm in country towns by the ringing of chimes throughout the city.
...will Leonardo DiCaprio advertise tyres and Tommy Lee Jones advertise canned coffee.
...will I be considered wealthy because I wear sunglasses, drive a car and use an iPhone.
Only in Japan am I provided with enough material to write this sequel to my first 'Only in Japan...' post...
Monday, February 27, 2012
Testing Times...
My life as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) is a pretty sweet one. I get to act like a teenage kid most days, I 'teach' on average 16 hours a weeks, I get around ten weeks holiday a year, my students treat me like a celebrity and every day I get to laugh at least once. I'd say 95% of the time I love my job. The other 5% of the time, however, is extremely testing...
Last Friday my students had their end of term tests. This in turn meant I had the day at school without classes...happily spending my time doing Japanese study, emailing friends, chatting to the other teachers and making posters for my first year students. At least that was until M Sensei, my main JTE (Japanese Teacher of English), asked the question all ALTs fear most...'Can you please help check the English test papers from third period?'.
I'm actually being kind to M Sensei here...of all three of my JTEs he has the lowest level of English ability, so the request was more like, 'Today English test. Second period finish. Please check help.' This kind of request can only mean one thing...I'm about to face that 5% of my job that I detest.
All ALTs detest marking exam papers. Come exam time, facebook is littered with the misery of ALTs embarking on this task, and the empathetic comments of fellow native speakers who know the pain all too well. Normally genki ALTs who love playing games with kids in class are forced to bleed red ink onto test papers like blood from their veins...draining them of life and all happiness.
So why it the task so detestable? Surely we should be excited to see the progress our students have made throughout the term? We should want to share in their joy as our students achieve wondrous marks after having absorbed all that English knowledge we imparted on them, shouldn't we? If only we lived in a world...or more pointedly...a country, where that might be possible.
The truth is, marking tests is the time when ALTs feel like a complete failure as English teachers, as we see that despite our best efforts, our students seem to have learnt very little, if anything. It's the time when the sad truth is revealed...it is really difficult for these kids to learn English in the Japanese education system.
The Japanese education system is one that hinges on testing. It is no exaggeration that Japanese people spend their entire childhood (and then some) studying for the next exam. Not only are they tested in all subjects repeatedly throughout their school life, they actually have to pass exams to get into school in the first place.
From the time they start kindergarten, a Japanese person's life becomes focused on passing entrance exams. An exam to get into elementary school, followed by an exam to enter into junior high school, then if they choose to (which around 94% do) an exam for acceptance into high school then again for university. The better they do on the test, the better chance they have of getting into a good school.
The longer I live and teach in Japan, the more I appreciate the fact that I am Australian and went through the education system there. Seeing the strain and pressure my students suffer every day (at the ages of 13-15) actually makes me feel guilty for the charmed life I have led.
M Sensei mentioned the other day that on average in Japan, at least one student in every class will suffer some kind of breakdown from the pressures of school life. As ALTs we often talk of kids disappearing from school mid term without a trace...or some students appearing only for the first time on graduation day...and many students having to be taught in isolation from the other kids. Some of these kids have debilitating psychological issues that prevent them from participating in the stress of daily school life.
I'm really not surprised when I think about how different their school life is compared to the one I had. In high school (the equivalent of junior high here), I majored in six subjects total...all but two being elective subjects. By comparison, my students study Japanese, English, math, science, art, social studies, health and physical education, home economics, music, industrial arts and moral education. That's 11 subjects all told...all compulsory.
How do they find the time and means to squeeze all that knowledge into their brains? Oh that's right...while I was out terrorising the neighbourhood on my bike after school every day, these kids are going to cram school. A typical day for any one of my students looks something like this:
And this is just an average student...I know kids who also do other sports outside of school and most kids have sporting tournaments or more cram school on weekends too. Knowing all of this about my students, I am surprised only one student in every class has a breakdown from the pressures of school life...
All this evidence makes it clearer as to why my kids aren't getting the sterling results on their English test papers that I had hoped for. For starters English is compulsory, which means about half of the class don't want to be there. Then there is the reality that many of the kids are probably thinking about one of their other ten subjects while I'm reciting the textbook...trying to remember if they finished all their homework for the next lesson. If all of that isn't distracting them from the joy of learning English, then maybe the pressure of the upcoming test is sending them into a pit of despair? Given the testing methods in Japan, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not sure about other subjects, but certainly for English the system of learning is very clear:
Step 1. Swallow the textbook in it's entirety.
Step 2. Memorise word for word said textbook.
Step 3. Regurgitate in the exam.
Step 4. Get perfect grades.
Step 5. Repeat for every exam.
Considering this is a language we are teaching, it seems rather counter productive to me that these kids are tested on reading, writing and listening in their English exams...but never speaking. I've never been a fan of the regurgitation method of learning and I certainly don't think it has any place in language study, where the emphasis should be on communication. I am not insinuating the system here in Japan is flawed. I am screaming from the rooftops that it is.
Case in point, one of my students Ms.Tsuji (test pictured above). She attains at least 98% on every single English exam because she can follow Steps 1-5 of the Japanese gastrointestinal system of learning. Yet in the whole two years that I have been teaching this girl, she has never once spoken a single word of English to me. Satisfactory way of learning a language? You tell me...
Much like these kids are instructed to swallow their textbooks, I have to swallow the knowledge that this is how things are done in Japan. It has been this way forever and so it will stay this way forever more. As an ALT in Japan I am completely powerless to change the system...and so it will continue to perpetuate in this ineffectual way.
Proof of this sad truth is the fact that M Sensei went through this same system my students are going through and most days I am astounded and appalled that he is permitted to teach English. Yes, he knows the junior high school textbooks word for word and can teach the students the required grammar and vocab from those textbooks. But I'm often left wondering if he got his English teaching degree from a vending machine, as he simply cannot hold a conversation with me and he rarely understands even the most basic of queries I pose to him in English. Some days, our neighbour H Sensei (the social science teacher, who lived in London for several years) has to step in and translate for M Sensei when I become too stubborn and annoyed to speak in Japanese.
So yes, 95% of the time I love my job, when I can somehow push this knowledge to the back of my mind and try to reach my students and extract some kind of creative response from them that doesn't come directly from the dreaded pages of a New Horizon textbook. But that other 5% of the time can make you question 'why do I bother?'...especially when I have to mark M Sensei's test answer sheet before I even start on the kids' test papers...
It is an incredible phenomenon, which perhaps is born from the five step system of learning...but my students are infallibly consistent in their error making. Other ALTs profess the same problem and I wasn't kidding in my previous post '30 Japanese School Truths'...it really doesn't seem to matter if you are right or wrong...as long as your answer is the same as everyone else's. Every time it comes to marking test papers I come across the exact same suspects for most common mistakes...and the top three contests are:
1. Miscapitalisation. Weekdays will be missing capitals at their start, random capitals will appear in the middle of words and the most irritating and painfully persistent one...97% of my students blatantly refuse to capitalise 'k's'. This is enough to drive me crazy on any normal day...Friday I had to mark test papers where one of the answers had 'King Kong' in it. I started to understand how a completely sane human being can just snap one day...
2. Spelling mistakes of the most common words. 'Went' will be written as 'want', 'r's' will be replaced by 'l's', 'th's' become 's's' and don't even get me started on plurals...or the lack of...
3. Copying an error. Again, rather than be different (and correct), my students will copy an error from the exam rather than challenge it. M Sensei spelt 'friend' incorrectly on Friday's exam...a word these kids have known for two years...and all but a handful of students copied the mistake. Only one student actually questioned the error in the comments section of the test paper...this kid is my new best friend (not freind).
For all the depression test marking brings down on an ALT, I always find at least one little gem that makes me smile through the pain. The errors literally do reduce me to tears sometimes, but every now and then they bring on tears of laughter. Those times when an innocent child forgets to leave that rather essential space between the words 'pen' and 'is' or 'work' is written as 'wank'. Friday I came across this nice little surprise...misspelt, but it elicited a giggle none the less...
Despite the detestable time I had checking the kids' test papers on Friday, one paper left an impression on me. Yuuki Kaneko's. This student is painfully shy and rarely speaks to me in class, but I often catch him watching me, especially when I am reading from the text...seemingly mesmerised. I always assumed it was just because he was bored or somewhat awestruck, like some of the other kids get about my blonde hair and blue eyes. Friday's test revealed otherwise.
Yuuki does not have a natural English ability and because he prefers to speak to M Sensei during activity time, I have had very little to do with him. On the test last Friday, students had space to do 'free writing'...a chance to write five or so sentences of their own. Most students wrote about their favourite sport, comic book or singer...all cookie cutter responses copied straight from the textbook. Yuuki's sentences were are little more considered though and certainly had a lasting impact...
What gave his words more value was that he achieved well in this section of the test, where he could exhibit his creativity and free thought. The rest of the paper...where he was supposed to regurgitate the textbook, he failed miserably.
Even with his overall poor result on the test, Yuuki's words give me hope that at least some of these kids will fight to be creative and emerge as individuals from this education system. His words remind me to focus on the 95% of the time I love my job and remember that despite the testing times, sometimes what I do can make a difference.
I detest marking English test papers...
I'm actually being kind to M Sensei here...of all three of my JTEs he has the lowest level of English ability, so the request was more like, 'Today English test. Second period finish. Please check help.' This kind of request can only mean one thing...I'm about to face that 5% of my job that I detest.
I can attest to the fact I'm not alone...
All ALTs detest marking exam papers. Come exam time, facebook is littered with the misery of ALTs embarking on this task, and the empathetic comments of fellow native speakers who know the pain all too well. Normally genki ALTs who love playing games with kids in class are forced to bleed red ink onto test papers like blood from their veins...draining them of life and all happiness.
So why it the task so detestable? Surely we should be excited to see the progress our students have made throughout the term? We should want to share in their joy as our students achieve wondrous marks after having absorbed all that English knowledge we imparted on them, shouldn't we? If only we lived in a world...or more pointedly...a country, where that might be possible.
The truth is, marking tests is the time when ALTs feel like a complete failure as English teachers, as we see that despite our best efforts, our students seem to have learnt very little, if anything. It's the time when the sad truth is revealed...it is really difficult for these kids to learn English in the Japanese education system.
Japanese students are crash test dummies...
The Japanese education system is one that hinges on testing. It is no exaggeration that Japanese people spend their entire childhood (and then some) studying for the next exam. Not only are they tested in all subjects repeatedly throughout their school life, they actually have to pass exams to get into school in the first place.
From the time they start kindergarten, a Japanese person's life becomes focused on passing entrance exams. An exam to get into elementary school, followed by an exam to enter into junior high school, then if they choose to (which around 94% do) an exam for acceptance into high school then again for university. The better they do on the test, the better chance they have of getting into a good school.
The longer I live and teach in Japan, the more I appreciate the fact that I am Australian and went through the education system there. Seeing the strain and pressure my students suffer every day (at the ages of 13-15) actually makes me feel guilty for the charmed life I have led.
M Sensei mentioned the other day that on average in Japan, at least one student in every class will suffer some kind of breakdown from the pressures of school life. As ALTs we often talk of kids disappearing from school mid term without a trace...or some students appearing only for the first time on graduation day...and many students having to be taught in isolation from the other kids. Some of these kids have debilitating psychological issues that prevent them from participating in the stress of daily school life.
I'm really not surprised when I think about how different their school life is compared to the one I had. In high school (the equivalent of junior high here), I majored in six subjects total...all but two being elective subjects. By comparison, my students study Japanese, English, math, science, art, social studies, health and physical education, home economics, music, industrial arts and moral education. That's 11 subjects all told...all compulsory.
How do they find the time and means to squeeze all that knowledge into their brains? Oh that's right...while I was out terrorising the neighbourhood on my bike after school every day, these kids are going to cram school. A typical day for any one of my students looks something like this:
6:30am - Wake up
7:30am - Club activity before school
8:15am - School starts (5-6 lessons each day)
4:00pm - School finishes, club activity starts
5:30pm - Club activity finishes, kids leave school (6:30pm in summer)
6:00pm - Cram school
8:00pm - Dinner and 'family time'
8:30pm - Piano practice (or some other instrument...but nearly all of my students play piano)
9:30pm - Homework/study
11:30pm - Bed
And this is just an average student...I know kids who also do other sports outside of school and most kids have sporting tournaments or more cram school on weekends too. Knowing all of this about my students, I am surprised only one student in every class has a breakdown from the pressures of school life...
It's a gastrointestinal system of learning...
All this evidence makes it clearer as to why my kids aren't getting the sterling results on their English test papers that I had hoped for. For starters English is compulsory, which means about half of the class don't want to be there. Then there is the reality that many of the kids are probably thinking about one of their other ten subjects while I'm reciting the textbook...trying to remember if they finished all their homework for the next lesson. If all of that isn't distracting them from the joy of learning English, then maybe the pressure of the upcoming test is sending them into a pit of despair? Given the testing methods in Japan, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not sure about other subjects, but certainly for English the system of learning is very clear:
Step 1. Swallow the textbook in it's entirety.
Step 2. Memorise word for word said textbook.
Step 3. Regurgitate in the exam.
Step 4. Get perfect grades.
Step 5. Repeat for every exam.
Considering this is a language we are teaching, it seems rather counter productive to me that these kids are tested on reading, writing and listening in their English exams...but never speaking. I've never been a fan of the regurgitation method of learning and I certainly don't think it has any place in language study, where the emphasis should be on communication. I am not insinuating the system here in Japan is flawed. I am screaming from the rooftops that it is.
Case in point, one of my students Ms.Tsuji (test pictured above). She attains at least 98% on every single English exam because she can follow Steps 1-5 of the Japanese gastrointestinal system of learning. Yet in the whole two years that I have been teaching this girl, she has never once spoken a single word of English to me. Satisfactory way of learning a language? You tell me...
I'm unable to protest...
Much like these kids are instructed to swallow their textbooks, I have to swallow the knowledge that this is how things are done in Japan. It has been this way forever and so it will stay this way forever more. As an ALT in Japan I am completely powerless to change the system...and so it will continue to perpetuate in this ineffectual way.
Proof of this sad truth is the fact that M Sensei went through this same system my students are going through and most days I am astounded and appalled that he is permitted to teach English. Yes, he knows the junior high school textbooks word for word and can teach the students the required grammar and vocab from those textbooks. But I'm often left wondering if he got his English teaching degree from a vending machine, as he simply cannot hold a conversation with me and he rarely understands even the most basic of queries I pose to him in English. Some days, our neighbour H Sensei (the social science teacher, who lived in London for several years) has to step in and translate for M Sensei when I become too stubborn and annoyed to speak in Japanese.
So yes, 95% of the time I love my job, when I can somehow push this knowledge to the back of my mind and try to reach my students and extract some kind of creative response from them that doesn't come directly from the dreaded pages of a New Horizon textbook. But that other 5% of the time can make you question 'why do I bother?'...especially when I have to mark M Sensei's test answer sheet before I even start on the kids' test papers...
And the contestants for most common errors are...
It is an incredible phenomenon, which perhaps is born from the five step system of learning...but my students are infallibly consistent in their error making. Other ALTs profess the same problem and I wasn't kidding in my previous post '30 Japanese School Truths'...it really doesn't seem to matter if you are right or wrong...as long as your answer is the same as everyone else's. Every time it comes to marking test papers I come across the exact same suspects for most common mistakes...and the top three contests are:
1. Miscapitalisation. Weekdays will be missing capitals at their start, random capitals will appear in the middle of words and the most irritating and painfully persistent one...97% of my students blatantly refuse to capitalise 'k's'. This is enough to drive me crazy on any normal day...Friday I had to mark test papers where one of the answers had 'King Kong' in it. I started to understand how a completely sane human being can just snap one day...
2. Spelling mistakes of the most common words. 'Went' will be written as 'want', 'r's' will be replaced by 'l's', 'th's' become 's's' and don't even get me started on plurals...or the lack of...
3. Copying an error. Again, rather than be different (and correct), my students will copy an error from the exam rather than challenge it. M Sensei spelt 'friend' incorrectly on Friday's exam...a word these kids have known for two years...and all but a handful of students copied the mistake. Only one student actually questioned the error in the comments section of the test paper...this kid is my new best friend (not freind).
The deftest of answers can catch you off guard...
For all the depression test marking brings down on an ALT, I always find at least one little gem that makes me smile through the pain. The errors literally do reduce me to tears sometimes, but every now and then they bring on tears of laughter. Those times when an innocent child forgets to leave that rather essential space between the words 'pen' and 'is' or 'work' is written as 'wank'. Friday I came across this nice little surprise...misspelt, but it elicited a giggle none the less...
A testament there is hope....
Despite the detestable time I had checking the kids' test papers on Friday, one paper left an impression on me. Yuuki Kaneko's. This student is painfully shy and rarely speaks to me in class, but I often catch him watching me, especially when I am reading from the text...seemingly mesmerised. I always assumed it was just because he was bored or somewhat awestruck, like some of the other kids get about my blonde hair and blue eyes. Friday's test revealed otherwise.
Yuuki does not have a natural English ability and because he prefers to speak to M Sensei during activity time, I have had very little to do with him. On the test last Friday, students had space to do 'free writing'...a chance to write five or so sentences of their own. Most students wrote about their favourite sport, comic book or singer...all cookie cutter responses copied straight from the textbook. Yuuki's sentences were are little more considered though and certainly had a lasting impact...
What gave his words more value was that he achieved well in this section of the test, where he could exhibit his creativity and free thought. The rest of the paper...where he was supposed to regurgitate the textbook, he failed miserably.
Even with his overall poor result on the test, Yuuki's words give me hope that at least some of these kids will fight to be creative and emerge as individuals from this education system. His words remind me to focus on the 95% of the time I love my job and remember that despite the testing times, sometimes what I do can make a difference.
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